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Senior Member

Posts: 169
October 2007
Some inconvenient truths about me Wed, 21 January 2009 21:28
Dear TTR Community!

2009 has arrived and it is time to put some good propositions for the new year into practice.

It is finally time for some inconvenient truths about me that I present to this community to judge me.

1.) My behaviour

I do not have to mention incidents when I had a go at someone in the lobby or during a game or about some other "Monstar-Drama". Most of you will have witnessed (or experienced) it themselves.

In the past I have not only insulted or provoked TTR-players that i barely knew, but also good friends of mine. I have created a path of destruction that will be difficult to "clean up" again. I have often been self-righteous and stubborn.

Many know about my weaknesses and mistakes. Few know about my good qualities. And I admit that this is predominantly my fault.

I would like to issue my sincerest apologies to all whom I have hurt or infuriated during the last months.

2.) Obsession and cheating

In the summer of 2008 the idea struck me that I could try to reach the top-ranking on a map of my choice. As the EU-Map appealed to me very much as I am one of the (few) people who supports the idea of stations and who likes the excitement of risking a tunnel-crash when not having too many locos left to be on the "safe" side.

Till the end of July I improved a lot on the map and made it to the EU Top 10. However, from then on progress was not so easy any longer and I got quite frustrated from the constant setbacks. I felt like Sysyphus (sorry mate to use your name here) of the ancient greek mythology who tries to move a huge boulder to the top of a mountain and when he is almost there the boulder cant be controlled by him any longer and rolls down the mountain....and so he has to try again...and again...and again...

My frustration grew and my ambition turned into an obsession step by step. This feeling was fueled by snide remarks from people who were happy that I made so little of them was Truckerteller who did and does behave quite arrogantly at times.

I reached the point where any means seemed to be suitable to reach my ultimate goal and to especially teach Truckerteller a lesson. I used my 2nd account with the name of "Transsibirienexpress" - which I created earlier to save my name Monstarmaster during times where I want or when I have to rename my proper account (e.g. during the NC) - to spy on Truckerteller in 5 open 2pl games at the beginning of August. I won these 5 games...2 of them I would not have won without cheating.

Furthermore, I spied on 3 games which I played against psteinx - appeasing myself with the argument that I just spy on him to see where he might be able to block me (according to his available colours) and not because I wanted to block him from his destinations - but still it was cheating.

To make it short, my good friend Robin Hood observed 2 or 3 of the "Truckerteller" games and confronted me afterwards in a private chat about the suspicious games. First, I denied to have been cheating on Truckerteller. But after he pushed the matter I admitted to have done it. We agreed that there has to be a punishment for my misbehaviour.

JUST to clarify this: I have never cheated in a tournament. I think my results there speak for themselves.

3.) Making up for my cheating

I agreed to lose twice as many games against Truckerteller and psteinx in the future than I won against them while cheating. This I did in the following weeks - including games in September - while still complaining about my losses because of bad luck concerning tickets and locos to not raise any suspicions about 9 or 10 defeats in a row. Furthermore, I agreed to lower my overall score from 1650 to 1400 and my EU score from top 5 to rank 150. I did this as well in the following weeks. Some of you might remember my sudden "downfall" in the mid / end of August 2008 (otherwise please check my history).

This was the end of my short "cheating career". I further decided to only open closed 2pl games from now on...even though the vast majority of people who join my "open for everybody with 5 karma 2pl games" is lower-ranked than me anyways.

4.) End of a long journey to the top

However, from mid-September I decided to have another go for the top EU position without cheating any longer. A few days ago I finally saw my chance as Angel6 (1972 points) dropped out of the ranking due to inactiveness. The top position was only 25 points away. On the following day I contacted my friend Sysyphus and asked him to play a few EU games with me...he is fairly ranked and I can gain 3 to 4 points when winning against him while only winning 0.5 points per game when winning against a rookie.

But things went unlucky for me in these games. I lost 3 out of 5 games against him so that my EU score decreased instead of increasing. I was in a bad mood anyways (having a hangover from having drunk alcohol at a party the day before) and went berserk at the end of the last game while even asking him to leave the game so that at least the 5th game will not count against me. He was very right NOT to agree to my crazy request...But this incidence shows again how severe my obsession had become that I even have a go at one of my best and most loyal friends here only to keep my score...

To make it short. I concentrated a lot during the last 2 days in my 2pl games (even making notes once in a while). That s why I won the vast amount of games against rookies, medium and top players earning myself the needed 30 points.

So it is done now.

I have finally reached the top in the EU ranking (even though this has to do as well with Angel6's inactiveness concerning the EU map during the last 2 weeks).

But am I happy now?

Not really! Too many glass has been shattered on my way to the top and this victory is not sweet at all, but rather bitter.

Well, I am nevertheless relieved. I am one of those persons who cannot accept not reaching their (realistic) goals. And not getting beyond 1956 EU points in December when Angel6 had 1970 was really frustrating for me. I feel that a heavy burden has been taken from my shoulders now...I finally feel (a bit) relaxed. It is time for me to try to have a bit more fun on TTR regardless of my score.

May my "journey" be a warning for all who get so winded up in this game that their score becomes more important to them than their (online) friendships...

5.) New name -Dennis-

All in all, Monstarmaster has caused enough trouble. I have come to the conclusion that some radical CHANGE has to be done (like it is happening in the USA at the moment). That s why I want to change my nickname to my real first name...Dennis is likeable in real life. The online monstarmaster usually was not. In the following days I will change my name to "-Dennis-". Unfortunately the accounts "Dennis" and "DENNIS" were not any longer available.

6.) Your decision

I would like to apologize to Truckerteller and psteinx for the mentioned games where I cheated on them. No frustration whatsoever can justify cheating. It was the ultimate surrender of my ethic standards to my pathological obsession....happening to me as a person who studied law and would like to work as a prosecutor or a judge in the future. I have neglected the rules of fairness for my own selfish benefit. I am guilty. This is the truth.

Ok. I have "atoned" for my cheating behaviour as described above. But it is not for me to decide whether this is enough or is for you to decide. I can only ask for your forgiveness.

It was not easy for me to write this post. But now I feel relieved. Just going on as usual was no alternative. I would like a new start. If this community is unable or unwilling to grant me this new start I will have to leave. In this case I would like to say farewell to all who knew me (including my good qualities) and I would like to state that it was a pleasure to have had the privilege of knowing and playing you.

Bye for now

Monstarmaster (future -Dennis-)

PS: I will never deny having been Monstarmaster. So if you want to address me with mm/MM or Mon in the future it will be ok. Still you might reconsider that as there has been enough confusion already in the lobby because Mary Mary and Miguel Marquez are addressed with the acronym mm/MM sometimes as well.

[Updated on: Wed, 21 January 2009 21:48]

Senior Member
T2R Nation Cup 2006 Winner

Posts: 640
October 2004
Re:Some inconvenient truths about me Wed, 21 January 2009 22:04
Senior Member

Posts: 268
June 2007
Re:Double posting Thu, 22 January 2009 00:14
see competitive forum
Senior Member

Posts: 169
October 2007
Re:Double posting Thu, 22 January 2009 01:37
see competitive forum...please leave comments there if possible.


Junior Member

Posts: 2
January 2009
Re:Some inconvenient truths about me Thu, 22 January 2009 10:36
Hi Dennis,

it is really sad for me, to read this stuff about your life situation in the web Sad. But on the other hand, i understand a lot.

Your brother


PS.: Congratulate to your first place, i am really proud of you Smile.
Senior Member

User Pages
Posts: 390
January 2006
Re:Some inconvenient truths about me Mon, 26 January 2009 17:34
three thoughts:

1) it takes a lot of backbone to openly admit one's own history of cheating

2) you should be banned from competetive play. for at least a year.

3) you need counseling for that o-c type behavior. Any compulsion that causes you to violate your own moral standards is worth talkign to a professional about.

User Pages
Posts: 64
November 2004
Re:Some inconvenient truths about me Sun, 22 February 2009 09:39
Good job admitting your mistakes.

I agree with the other member that you might want to talk to a professional.

If you will do this here, you probably do it elsewhere.

Get help now and start making life better for yourself and those that live/work with you.

Good luck.
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